"When NEGA People Gather, Amazing Things Happen"
Part 1 of 2
by eugene
09-10-2018
Come to think of it, we prepare, cook and eat good and nutritious food, take enough rest and sleep, some of us exercise regularly, gather enough endorphins from laughter and uplifting conversations, just to have enough ENERGY.. to engage in great bonding moments with the loved ones, to be productive at work and sustain highly efficient activities. What a great way to spend the day! But THIS is INEVITABLE.... some people who are full of negativity are around. Others are so equipped with great skills and talents to steal one's reserved energy in just a blink of an eye! It would happen so fast that you would find yourself so weak and helpless.. with just a word or two from these people, your self-esteem and confidence will suddenly take a long vacay and will leave you all alone... and the worst thing would be experiencing the 'blues'.
Hmmmm, I know you are now visualizing your recent "energy vampires"! your happiness-sucker-"dementors!" Can we just ignore them? Yes, we have a choice.... we can ignore them, avoid them, totally scratch them off our lives.. however, accidental encounters with them may bring worse energy depletion. And I know, some of them are your family members, coworkers, friends, and many are your superiors (lol).
Well, in my career, I have encountered a lot of great and most generous mentors and colleagues, who really are sources of positive energy and lots of inspiration. But, I also have had learned a lot of things from the worst, the ugly, the ungrateful, and the self-entitled 'peeps' that have the ability to suck the most valuable energy you reserved for the day, that even a moment of interaction or just by seeing them, you feel drained, sad and down. Lucky, we are, if we can easily detach but not if we cannot totally ignore nor avoid these toxic people. Then, I just had "happiness is a choice", "Do not be mislead: Bad company corrupts good character*," and "love your enemies" mantra, so as not to allow these people ruin my day. Through time (and hopefully, because of maturity), I had devised personal techniques on how to deal with them - -
Welcoming the 'Vampires' and 'Dementors' in Your Life and Staying Happy
Dealing with these kinds of people is SIMPLE but NOT that EASY! It takes P.D.F. to stay happy in living and working with them: P-Patience (lots of it) and understanding that these people may have some projected and unresolved issues and concerns; D-Diligence - staying happy is a skill that needs to be developed with careful and persistent effort; F-Focus and Firmness - living a purposeful, happy life and letting go of people, events and things that would push you to do otherwise.
Generally, I start with identifying the kind of negativity these people have. This would give me an idea on what appropriate approach or strategy to employ. Basically, it is either "fight or flight". My form of 'fight' is a PRAYER of Wisdom, HOpe, and LovE (W.Ho.Le) and I usually go to the COMFORT room or go outside 'to breathe in fresh air"(to the garden, perhaps) as my form of 'flight', eventually, to prepare for the 'fight'.
A. Identify. Stealing the energy and happiness usually happens so quickly. So you must develop the skill to ID these toxic people as fast as you can. Identifying (not judging) if a person is toxic can be done through the process of 'thin-slicing'**.
Toxic people can exhibit one or many of the following:
- MeMa (me masabi lang) - in a nega way, of course. These persons have a bucketful of criticisms and somehow lack the skills on how to convey them constructively. They are so hostile. Once you heard them, you would feel so infinitesimal, no value, no worth... and their words and gestures would convey that they are the best, greatest, invincible, perfect, Most Outstanding MeMa... (Tip: watch out for the hands-clenched position, among others)
- Me, Myself and I (Egocentric). .
- Bakit ako lang ang sawi? (The learned helplessness).
- Buti pa Siya...(Always jealous)
- Hindi ako; Hindi akin (no sense of accountability)
Suggestions:
- Proper and honest communication (if you are his/her friend, you may have a heart-to-heart talk about it)
- Find a perfect time for "flight" and prepare to "fight";
- listen and take note of the comments as objectively as possible, then verify the veracity of the criticisms; try to mirror their gesture and summarize their comments in a low-pitched voice.
- if you felt there were personal attacks or comments and criticism which are baseless, demeaning and uncalled for, keep your cool, take note and introspect, and please do not go down to their level by answering back nor losing respect. Always have someone with you, so you would have a witness, if the situation became uncontrollable and reach a certain form / level of harassment.
- Refer to authorities and/or consider professional help if the situation may put both parties at risk.
- Be grateful that you were given the opportunity to witness the unproductive and inefficient way of relating to others.
- Feel blessed that you are given the opportunity to realize the advantage of learning the skills of being a positive person and avoid these 'NEGA' peeps and avoid being one of them.
Part 2
B, Detach from the relationship or Limit the encounters
C, Let Go
The Perks of Investing Resources to be with Happy People
*1Corinthians15:33
**Malcolm Gladwell in his book, "Blink" introduced the process of 'thin-slicing'
