Mental Wellness Parenting Education Child Development Socio-Emotional Learning
When School Feels Scary: Helping Children Cope with Anxiety
(A Guide for Parents and Teachers)
By Ms. Eugenia C. Martin, MAEd, LPT, RGC
The start of a new school year is often filled with excitement. Fresh notebooks, new teachers, unfamiliar classmates, and the promise of new experiences create a sense of anticipation for both children and parents. However, for some young learners, the thought of going to school brings something entirely different — anxiety.
Many adults dismiss childhood worries as a normal part of growing up. While it is true that children experience fears and uncertainties as they develop, there are times when these worries become intense enough to affect their learning, relationships, and overall well-being. School anxiety is one of the most common emotional challenges faced by children today, yet it often goes unnoticed because it does not always look like anxiety.
A child who complains of a stomachache every Monday morning may not actually be sick. A learner who suddenly becomes irritable, withdrawn, or resistant to attending school may not simply be "misbehaving." Sometimes, these behaviors are signs that a child is struggling with anxiety.
What is School Anxiety?
School anxiety refers to persistent feelings of fear, worry, or distress associated with school-related situations. These may include concerns about academic performance, social interactions, separation from parents, classroom participation, tests, or even changes in routine.
According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), occasional fears and worries are normal in childhood. However, when these worries become persistent or interfere with a child's ability to function at home, in school, or with peers, they may indicate a more serious anxiety concern. Children who experience anxiety often struggle silently because they may not have the vocabulary or emotional maturity to explain what they are feeling.
Unlike adults, children rarely say, "I am feeling anxious." Instead, they communicate their distress through behavior.
Recognizing the Signs
One of the challenges in addressing school anxiety is recognizing it early. Many symptoms can easily be mistaken for laziness, defiance, or attention-seeking behavior.
Some common signs include:
- Frequent complaints of headaches or stomachaches before school
- Excessive crying or clinginess during school drop-off
- Difficulty sleeping before school days
- Fear of making mistakes
- Avoidance of classroom participation
- Frequent visits to the school clinic
- Irritability or emotional outbursts
- Reluctance to complete schoolwork
- Constant reassurance-seeking
Mental health experts note that anxiety in children often appears as physical symptoms such as nausea, headaches, and stomach discomfort. These symptoms are real and can be distressing even when no medical illness is present.
Parents are often surprised when a child who seemed perfectly healthy during weekends suddenly develops physical complaints on school mornings. This pattern is one of the reasons why school anxiety can sometimes be overlooked.
What Causes School Anxiety?
Every child is different, and there is rarely a single cause.
For some learners, anxiety stems from academic pressure. They may worry about getting wrong answers, disappointing their parents, or failing a test. Even high-achieving students can experience anxiety because they place unrealistic expectations on themselves.
For others, social concerns are the source of distress. Making friends, speaking in front of the class, participating in group activities, or dealing with peer conflicts can feel overwhelming.
Some children experience separation anxiety, particularly during the early grades. Being away from a parent or caregiver for several hours may trigger intense worry and fear.
Bullying, learning difficulties, family stress, and major life changes such as moving homes or changing schools can also contribute to anxiety. Research on school refusal behavior suggests that school avoidance is often linked to anxiety involving peer relationships, performance expectations, and family-related factors.
Understanding the root cause is important because effective support begins with identifying what is making the child feel unsafe or overwhelmed.
How Parents Can Help
One of the most powerful things parents can do is listen.
When children express fears, adults sometimes respond with statements such as, "Don't worry," "You'll be fine," or "There's nothing to be afraid of." Although these responses are well-intentioned, they can unintentionally make children feel that their emotions are being dismissed.
Instead, parents can acknowledge their child's feelings by saying:
"I can see that you're worried about school."
"It sounds like you're feeling nervous about today's presentation."
"Thank you for telling me how you feel."
Validation does not mean agreeing with the fear. It simply means recognizing that the child's emotions are real.
Creating predictable routines can also be helpful. Young children thrive on structure because it provides a sense of security. Consistent bedtime schedules, morning routines, and preparation for the next school day can reduce uncertainty and stress.
Parents should also avoid rescuing children from every uncomfortable situation. While it may be tempting to allow a child to stay home whenever anxiety appears, experts caution that repeated avoidance can actually strengthen anxiety over time. Gradually helping children face manageable challenges builds confidence and resilience.
The Role of Teachers
Teachers play a crucial role in supporting anxious learners.
A welcoming classroom environment can significantly reduce stress and promote emotional safety. Simple practices such as greeting students warmly, establishing predictable routines, and encouraging mistakes as part of learning can make a meaningful difference.
The American Psychological Association emphasizes the importance of providing emotional support and creating supportive learning environments for students experiencing anxiety. When children feel understood rather than judged, they are more likely to participate and engage in learning.
Teachers can also help by:
· Breaking tasks into smaller steps
· Providing clear instructions
· Offering encouragement rather than pressure
· Allowing opportunities for success
· Communicating regularly with parents
Sometimes a child may appear inattentive or unmotivated when, in reality, anxiety is interfering with concentration and performance.
Teaching Coping Skills
One of the greatest gifts adults can give children is teaching them how to manage difficult emotions.
Simple breathing exercises can help children calm their bodies when they feel overwhelmed. For example, encouraging a child to inhale slowly through the nose for four counts and exhale for four counts can reduce physical symptoms of anxiety.
Grounding techniques are equally helpful. Asking children to identify five things they can see, four things they can touch, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste can redirect attention away from anxious thoughts.
Physical activity, creative play, drawing, journaling, and mindfulness activities can also help children process emotions in healthy ways.
Most importantly, adults should model calm behavior. Children often look to trusted adults to determine whether a situation is safe. When parents and teachers respond with confidence and reassurance, children are more likely to feel secure.
When Professional Help Is Needed
While occasional anxiety is normal, there are times when professional support becomes necessary.
Parents and teachers should consider seeking help if anxiety:
· Persists for several weeks or months
· Significantly interferes with school attendance
· Causes severe emotional distress
· Impacts friendships or family relationships
· Results in frequent physical complaints without medical explanation
Early intervention can prevent anxiety from becoming more severe and can help children develop effective coping skills before problems escalate.
Seeking support is not a sign of failure. It is a sign of care and commitment to a child's well-being.
Final Thoughts
School anxiety is not simply a phase that children must "get over." It is a real experience that can affect their confidence, learning, and emotional development. Yet with understanding, patience, and appropriate support, children can learn to navigate their fears successfully.
As parents and educators, we must remember that behind every anxious child is a young learner trying to make sense of a world that sometimes feels overwhelming. Our role is not to remove every challenge from their path but to walk beside them as they learn to face those challenges with courage.
When children feel seen, heard, and supported, they discover something powerful: they are stronger than their fears.
References:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Students Experiencing Anxiety. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/ed/schools/primer/anxiety
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026). Anxiety and Depression in Children. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health
Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2024). School Anxiety: Signs and Strategies. Retrieved from https://adaa.org
Kawsar, M. D. S. (2022). School Refusal. StatPearls Publishing. National Center for Biotechnology Information.
YoungMinds. (n.d.). School Anxiety and Refusal. Retrieved from https://www.youngminds.org.uk
#MindfulWithEugene #CounselorInsights #SundayReflections
Eugenia C. Martin (Ms. Eugene) is a Registered Guidance Counselor, Licensed Professional Teacher, wife, mother, songwriter, gardener, traveler, and home cook. Her life's lessons have come from many classrooms—the school, the counseling room, her parents' kitchen, the family garden, and the backyard shoe-making business where she first learned the values of perseverance, entrepreneurship, and community. Through her writing, she reflects on mental health, parenting, education, relationships, faith, music, gardening, and the journeys that continue to shape her understanding of people and life.
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